the crayon world

2012-01-19T00:55:00.010+08:00

it's been a really busy week, hardly had time to type proper posts though there were so many things i wanted to write about. today was a really draining day, i feel so exhausted physically and mentally. so many thoughts on various issues, i think i've momentarily lost my coherence. i shan't bother with posting something proper tonight, so photos will do the talking instead. :)

it suddenly feels different. maybe it's the things that have been happening the past week. somehow i think it's just me though. all that's going on occurs no where beyond my little mind. at least i'm beginning to make myself believe that. because i can feel myself becoming indifferent gradually. sometimes knowing really isn't better. i really wish he didn't tell me.

2012-01-17T15:13:00.003+08:00

hopes and expectations are what drives us. they are the reason we wake up every morning; the impetus that sustains us through the day; the last inspiration before we dismiss our thoughts in the night. they act as motivating forces that propel us forward to do things we otherwise never would have. they are what we hang on to when things seem bleak, when we really want to just toss everything aside and never give a damn ever again.

so who was i kidding the last time i said i bear no hopes? for without hope, there will no longer be reason for me to do what i do. without hope, the sacrifices wouldn't have made sense and the mere effort would seem meaningless.

but i am fine letting things remain as they are now. in fact, it seems like the best alternative of all. so how is it possible that the hopes exist?

maybe it's fear. the same fear that clouded me occasionally when i was still a shooter; when a single shot had such high stakes that i could take a long time aiming but my finger refused to pull the trigger. because as long as i remained aiming, the control was mine.

sometimes i just indulge in my little pleasure of observing from afar. what she said struck me a lot. more than you could ever imagine. initially i thought it was silly, absurd even. but i'm beginning to see reason in it. it's like i can finally feel it. fortunately or unfortunately, it's hard to decide. whether this is really true i don't know, but it provides a plausible explanation. because firing would mean that i could hit.

or miss.

2012-01-12T23:40:00.000+08:00

Forever young.

This will finally be true.

x

2012-01-11T00:08:00.002+08:00

2012-01-03T21:59:00.004+08:00

it's been a long day and i'm too tired to type in prose so here's a summary of what i learnt today:

1. positive attitude is VERY important
2. lies will get you in deep shit
3. people judge you by how you speak
4. your mind may be one helluva mess but as long as you speak steadily no one can tell at all
5. exasperation makes you capable of what you never thought you could do

six months to go let's go! :)

(EDIT: please don't be mistaken! i didn't lie or get judged, it was just what i observed of people and what i overheard from conversations!)

thanks for always being there for me and providing a solution or back up plan. it's like an escape route, whenever things don't go smoothly for me you'd provide an alternative suggestion. it's like whenever i feel helpless, you will show me that as long as i let you, you can take all the problems away from me. i realised that i have been so sheltered by you and other friends for as long as i can remember, and that i have never really been alone before. this six months away from you all is my time to learn to be independent. i promise i will learn.

2012-01-01T13:50:00.021+08:00

so 2011 has ended. the last day was well spent, i'm glad i made the right decision. :) somehow i get the feeling that it was an intended mistake on your part to have gotten the dates wrong. perhaps i'm thinking too much but in any case, i think i did right by not accommodating your mistake.

last night was probably the first time i went to watch the fireworks without a camera. i realised that because of my love for good shots, i have always been so occupied with capturing scenes around me that i have never really appreciated them before my eyes. so it was great yesterday, to be seated in the middle of the big field surrounded by all others who stood up, to enjoy the spectacular sight above us and indulge in the incredible sense of peace amidst the hyped atmosphere and cheering crowd.

But a good snapshot stops a moment from running away.

maybe that's why i always feel a sense of loss whenever i witness a beautiful scene without making an attempt to capture a shot of it. hmmm.

anyway, 2011 was one of the most eventful year for me and thinking back, though i made many mistakes and there was unhappiness here and there, i also met so many awesome people and experienced lots of joy. year 1 sem 2 was undeniably the BEST sem i had so far. :) some occasions were especially memorable to me, and i thank all of those who gave me such good memories. here's a quick flashback of the past year.

-

last night i had two dreams. in one of them, you wrote the same passionate posts again but this time it was directed towards her. and i was happy for you. in the other, you were all nervous and stammering. but it was so wonderful, the whole scene. it's strange that the two dreams came together, back to back. sometimes i wonder if dreams really do mean anything at all.

2011-12-30T22:28:00.004+08:00

second last day of 2011! fourth last day of holidays. spent the bulk of it at the stall today and i made this. to all those of you who don't believe i can cook, there you go, proof! :D

anyway, read some random animal facts just now and found these interesting:

1. The build of a pig makes it impossible for it to see the sky.

2. Elephants are the only mammals that cannot jump.

3. Ostriches have eyes that are bigger than their brains.

2011-12-28T01:24:00.002+08:00

typed a long blog post in the afternoon today but it isn't completed yet, so shall put off posting it till some time later when i manage to finish it. meanwhile, i've created a formspring account. ask and i'll answer. :)

http://www.formspring.me/thecrayonworld

2011-12-27T01:18:00.001+08:00

2011-12-26T00:25:00.003+08:00

if you're alive and healthy, give thanks. while we celebrate this christmas with good food, company and presents, millions of people out there are suffering from terminal illnesses, lying on the hospital bed shrivelling up their tortured bodies.

treasure your health before its too late. because once it's gone you'll never be the same again.

i hope you get well.

2011-12-24T23:58:00.004+08:00

If one night a big fat man jumps in at your window,
grabs you and puts you in a sack
don't worry I told Santa
I wanted you for christmas.

2011-12-20T12:43:00.001+08:00

took me long enough, but definitely worth the time. :)

2011-12-19T17:13:00.003+08:00

saw them at west mall last week. they were on stage posing with the little kids who were so so adorable. reminds me of the times when my mom brought my sis and i to take photos with cartoon characters during events too. those were the days when life was so simple and nothing in the world but the well being of my family mattered to me. :) now that we've all grown up, life is becoming so complex and there are just too many people and things that matter to name.

sudden surge of nostalgia! shall go find my old photos albums soon and reminisce. :)

2011-12-19T01:33:00.003+08:00

everybody behaves in a certain way for some reason of their own. so don't be too quick to judge because you'll never really know what the person has experienced before to make him the way he is now. many times, when we think we know something, we really actually don't. because you'll never know what you don't know.

when i was on the road today, a car suddenly appeared behind us and tailgated us like crazy, horning even though we weren't hogging the road. he eventually zoomed pass us and swerved his way through the traffic ahead. my friend grumbled a little about that unreasonable driver. i would too, usually. but today i didn't. there wasn't even a hint of frustration in me. it was unusual though, because i usually wouldn't think so much into such an incident but when i saw the car behind us through the mirror, somehow a thought crossed my mind that the driver may be in such a rush due to a justified reason, like maybe he was rushing to see a dying relative or something. when our vehicle passed the lane where the car turned into, i made an effort to look out for the sign board.

the road he turned into was one that led to three hospitals. my heart dropped.

then i recalled the incident that occurred just yesterday, i was stuck in a crazy jam on the highway and so was an ambulance. its sirens were on.

as much as the other motorists tried to give way to it, they couldn't. and we were all stuck in the jam for a good (or should i say bad) fifteen minutes or so. every minute my heart was dying a little. i don't know why i was so affected but it kinda ruined my day.

sigh, the mood congruency theory is true indeed. unhappy thoughts are flowing through my mind like nobody's business and i'm feeling even more upset than i was. maybe i should just turn in early. goodnight. :(

2011-12-19T01:24:00.003+08:00

sometimes certain experiences really have the power to change your mindset completely. i used to have strong beliefs in certain issues, but after a series of things that happened, i'm beginning to see how wrong i was. i hope it's not too late to change though. and i promise i'd make an effort. to c, h, j and y, i promise i'll try.

2011-12-16T00:39:00.001+08:00

many of us became friends with people due to circumstances. we went to school together, we worked together, or we joined a cca together. some of these friends eventually drift away from us when we no longer engage in the particular activity together, some stay on and lasting friendships are formed. either way, these are the friends made because we were put together in the same situation by coincidence, or fate as some may call it.

but when you make a friend (not mere acquaintance) who didn't go to school, have a job, join an activity, take public transport, or do anything in common with you, treasure him. because you guys weren't friends of circumstances. the fact that you did no particular thing together but still managed to get to know each other and slowly grow the friendship rather than let it die away quickly shows that there is a natural draw between the two of you. it's really amazing that you managed to make such a friend when it could have been so easy for you two to just brush past each other without crossing paths for more than a brief moment, remaining forever as strangers.

so my best wishes for the both of you, sincerely. :)

2011-12-16T00:32:00.003+08:00

it's so sweet when i merely mention something and you start saying 'we' instead of 'you', like we're in it together when it could really have been none of your business actually. thank you d. :)

2011-12-13T20:41:00.008+08:00

in the blink of an eye, it's been four years since i first knew you girls. i'm so glad that even after so long, we still make an effort to meet up at least four times a year. hope we'll continue that till we all become taitais hehe. :)

2011-12-13T02:00:00.002+08:00

♥♥

2011-12-12T01:30:00.005+08:00

awesome day today! had a lovely picnic with the pistol girls, they never fail to make my day. :) can't wait to see the photos taken with hy's awesome camera. now i really really want to get my own dslr now. :(

caught apple in the evening after leaving the girls, it was a good show! but surprisingly i didn't cry, since so many of my friends did. yes yes the lead girl's cute, that's what everyone has been telling me. but the guy is cute too! like so much more. hehe.

oh well it's been a long day and tmr will be another eventful day, i can't wait! shall post picnic photos up soon. :)

2011-12-10T01:48:00.002+08:00

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies.
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.
Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.
Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten.
Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.
Give your best anyway.

You see.. In the final analysis, it is between you and God.It was never between you and them anyway.

2011-12-08T20:45:00.001+08:00

so is good spelling and proper sentences.

2011-12-08T20:32:00.000+08:00

tomorrow. :)

2011-12-07T00:01:00.003+08:00

cute.

♥

2011-12-05T00:31:00.004+08:00

when someone has a completely different taste from you, the idea that you'll never have to fight for food sounds good at the start. but then you slowly realise that the difference sometimes gets into you. disappointments and dissatisfactions start to occur.

on the other hand, the excitement of liking the same things as someone is simply wonderful. besides, sharing is a joy.

2011-11-24T12:42:00.006+08:00

aquarius

2011-11-21T01:39:00.003+08:00

It's true: you're an original, and only those who are willing to accept that will provide satisfying companionship for you. The easiest signs for you to get along with are Libra and Gemini, because they share your ability to break things down so they can be processed with a rational mind. Still, you'll probably find that Scorpio will have the right mixture of intuition and common sense to gain your loyalty and respect. Cancers will be especially helpful, if a tad too weepy, in helping you process matters of career and of the heart. But make sure you surround yourself with those who are also dynamic and bold ... and worthy of your ultimate coolness, like Leo. Scorpio and Taurus can also put you at ease, due to their ability to be logical, steady and consistent.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/horoscopes/astrology/sign-compatibility

For all that you've given to me

2011-11-19T22:10:00.002+08:00

I just read through all the cards you wrote for me. Suddenly the words seem to speak to me in a way that they never did before.

Thank you so much.

chapter one

2011-11-15T10:49:00.002+08:00

All the stars are out tonight it feels as though I might
Make some sense out of this madness will it turn out right
Who's to say where the wind will blow

Time will tell us if we're out of answers when it stops
Climb back down to the beginning
Take it from the top
Who's to say where the wind will blow

What happens when all your dreams are lying on the ground
Do you pick up the pieces all around
And if the world should fall apart hold on to what you know
Take your chances turn around and go

All the leaves are turning and the sky fades to gray
Strange our life coincides with the seasons of today
Who's to say where the wind will blow

What happens when everything is lying on the ground
Do you pick up the pieces all around
And if the world should fall apart hold on to what you know
Take your chances turn around and go

Carry on you say
Bring the best of today
All I see is struggling on the way

Maybe when the sun crashes through the gray
I can find the strength to make it through the day
Through the day

What happens when all your dreams are lying on the ground
Do you pick up the pieces all around
And if the world should fall apart hold on to what you know
Take your chances turn around and go

Take your chances turn around and go

2011-11-15T10:33:00.001+08:00

something about you now

i can't quite figure out

just two more weeks. i can't wait. :)

day 10: final ten words

2011-11-13T01:42:00.000+08:00

Those three words

are said too much

they're not enough

day 9: ten ways to win my heart

2011-11-07T16:10:00.004+08:00

1. Be original.

2. Never give up.

3. Notice details.

4. Surprise me.

5. Go the extra mile.

6. Have great temper.

7. Be attentive.

8. Understand me.

9. Show loyalty.

10. Love me very much.

day 8: ten of my favourite songs

2011-11-06T16:27:00.008+08:00

1. (keane) Everybody's Changing

2. (lifehouse) Sick Cycle Carousel

3. (faberdrive) Sleepless Nights

4. (daughtry) Life After You

5. (hinder) Lips of An Angel

6. (lesleyroy) Unbeautiful

7. (onerepublic) Secrets

8. (bonjovi) It's My Life

9. (muse) Resistance

10. (jaysean) Down

♥

day 7: ten important people

2011-11-04T20:57:00.001+08:00

1. mummy

2. daddy

3. sister

4-10. friends who are important to me, you'll know who you are. :)

xxx

2011-11-03T21:24:00.000+08:00

day 6: ten items i can't live without

2011-11-01T23:24:00.004+08:00

1. music

2. water

3. chocolate

4. handphone

5. laptop

6. contact lens

7. fruits

8. mirror

9. my bed

10. conditioner

day 5: ten wishes

2011-10-30T22:17:00.004+08:00

1. my family to stay happy and healthy always

2. natural disasters to occur more rarely

3. have more self discipline

4. see the northern lights

5. backpack around the world with my ♥

6. humidity level to decrease in singapore

7. be better at reading people

8. have kids in future without uncomfortable pregnancies

9. the world to have more compassion

10. have more patience

day 4: ten things i want to say to one person

2011-10-29T22:48:00.002+08:00

1. i love you

2. i'm sorry i make you mad

3. you have pretty eyes

4. thank you for being so patient with me

5. i want you to be healthy

6. it makes me smile when you smile

7. sometimes i say mean stuff or lose my patience with you and i feel really really bad after that :(

8. you are so cute at times

9. i love the way you used to hug me to sleep

10. i want to hold your hand forever

day 3: ten things i hate

2011-10-29T01:20:00.005+08:00

1. hypocrites

2. empty promises and false hopes

3. people who twist stories around or say things they don't really mean

4. humidity

5. missing the bus by a minute or less

6. selfish and inconsiderate people

7. to be forced into doing something

8. flirts/players/sluts/bastards

9. the smell of cigarette

10. MCPs

day 2: ten things i love

2011-10-27T23:43:00.006+08:00

1. my family

2. good food

3. pretty pictures. preferably taken by me of course :D

4. nice music, as defined by me

5. piano! but i don't know how to play :(

6. people who make time out of their schedule for me

7. overseas trips

8. walking in the rain

9. hugs and cuddles

10. pleasant surprises

both make me go 'aww!' but

2011-10-27T12:12:00.007+08:00

sweet talking makes me flinch while being sincerely sweet melts my heart.

it's a fine line in between and unfortunately, most people aren't the latter.

day 1: ten things about me

2011-10-27T00:37:00.004+08:00

1. i secretly dislike some people without even knowing them.

2. i enjoy time alone as much as i enjoy company. really depends on the mood.

3. when people let me down, i can still smile and be nice to them. the only difference is that before being let down, my heart warms up whenever i do something for them. after, i do it simply out of habit because in my heart they are already gone.

4. i think it's really nice to chill at a cafe or some place peaceful and just watch the world go by.

5. i am quite different with different people. to some, i am pretty quiet and boring because i just can't seem to find stuff to say to them. but to some, just some, i can be one crazy kid. ;)

6. sometimes i get really self conscious and think that people are laughing at me when i walk past them.

7. i think it's tough to find people i can connect with. so when i do, i love them to bits.

8. sometimes i feel that it's easier to trust someone when i don't know them well yet. and when somebody i trusted breaks the trust, i may never be able to trust that person again.

9. i am too shy to sing in public.

10. i feel angry when my good friends are too busy to meet up. because you'll never be too busy to set aside time if you really care to do so.

day zero.

2011-10-25T22:21:00.001+08:00

Day 1: 10 things about me
Day 2: 10 things i love
Day 3: 10 things i hate
Day 4: 10 things i want to say to one person
Day 5: 10 wishes
Day 6: 10 items i can’t live without
Day 7: 10 important people
Day 8: 10 of my favourite songs
Day 9: 10 ways to win my heart
Day 10: Final 10 words.

just like that

2011-10-24T23:26:00.000+08:00

John Smith: Hiya, stranger.
Jane Smith: Hiya back.

2011-10-23T00:52:00.003+08:00

Love is never about finding the hand that perfectly fits yours. It's about finding that one person who is willing to hold your hands no matter how unfit it may be. <3.

when it's so much easier to walk away,should i still hang on?

2011-10-22T21:43:00.005+08:00

the hardest thing to do in life is probably deciding when you should persist and when you should just give up.

things are going smoothly on the surface i guess but it's all just so superficial. i'm sure we're aware of the hidden problems and the many uncertainties that we have, though we aren't voicing them out. it all just seem like a staged performance, carefully planned.

and it really bothers me where to go from here. to realise that all these are challenges meant for us to overcome so that brighter days will follow. or to see that this is really not gonna work out and that the match was probably nothing more than an illusion. that's the toughest thing to do.

all i know is that with each day that passes, the strong faith i once had is slowly being eroded away.

like sunbeams out of clouds

2011-10-21T22:44:00.003+08:00

Faith is trust, hope and belief in the goodness, trustworthiness or reliability of a person, concept or entity. It can also refer to beliefs that are not based on proof.

It's only true when you genuinely believe, not when you pretend or try not to know.

2011-10-18T00:31:00.002+08:00

i love how random revelations suddenly occur when i go for my jogs. i love the peace that i feel when i just jog on and on and on it kinda feels like i'm running away from the world - but just for a while. and i love of course, the sense of accomplishment after i push my limits and force myself to keep going even when i felt like i could go no further. i love how i feel disciplined for doing something i know is good yet reluctant to do.

it has been a long time since my last jog, and as much as i blame in on the hectic schedule and all, i guess i have to admit that i was just plain lazy. even just now after i got home, i had the urge to just put off my jogging plans yet again and be all comfortable on my sofa with my comp and dinner.

but i did it in the end. :)

and it was one of the best runs i've had, made me feel really glad after it. not only because i ran much further than what i usually did, but also the fact that i really felt the mental strength i had throughout the run. at the 1km mark i was beginning to feel slight pains (silly me just had dinner and hour plus before the run) and if it was the me running a couple of months ago, i'd probably have ran just a few hundred metres more and gave up for fear that the pain became worse.

instead of giving up though, i kept drilling into myself that the stitch was merely a psychological effect and that it was not real. the auto-suggestion really worked i suppose, because after running on and on i realised some time later that i actually didn't feel any pain anymore. that was the first thing that made me really happy because had i not persisted just a bit more, i wouldn't have realised that i could go on so much further since the pain disappeared after some time.

apart from that, i managed to hit all the in between targets that i set for myself along the way too, as compared to hitting just about half my targets in the past. that made me glad. :)

it was when i took a long walk home after the run and just enjoyed the peaceful night, that an inspirational thought struck me out of no where. it's a really simple thing actually - before i came out of the house, everywhere just felt very hot and humid so i was all sweaty and uncomfortable. but after the run, because my blood was pumping and my body was so hot (if you just saw a pun, you think too much HAHA), i actually felt that the night was cool and even noticed very mild breezes. simple and irrelevant this may sound, but somehow it was like a revelation to me.

maybe sometimes we just get too comfortable with our situation and environment such that we miss out many things around us. we end up taking things for granted and critising a little too much. maybe if we positioned ourselves in a worse situation instead, we'd only then realise the things that we have overlooked; the things that we should have treasured.

well to put it simply, it all started with me realising that although the environment (weather) remained constant, the fact that i put myself in a worse position than i was initially (i exercised and got all sweaty and tired as compared to being comfortable and relaxed at home before the run) actually made my evaluation of the environment very different. when i was comfortable, i complained that the place was hot. but when i sweated after the run, i actually felt that it was a cool night. sometimes it's really the circumstances that we're in that makes us see a single thing with vastly different viewpoints. and that reminded me of a quote that i so believe in yet fail to remember too often - Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference. (Winston Churchill)

and all of a sudden, i feel so inspired and motivated to start doing things which i have been wanting to do but never got around doing. i just feel so revitalised now, like a mysterious strength just got into me. though unexplainable, i'm grateful for it. i really hope this drive stays in me. jiayou. :)

2011-10-17T00:23:00.001+08:00

last night i took out my contacts and my whole finger was bloody. so scary.

2011-10-12T22:56:00.000+08:00

2011-10-12T22:45:00.000+08:00

2011-10-07T11:58:00.001+08:00

2011-10-07T00:28:00.001+08:00

just give me one good reason
tell me why i should stay
'cause i don't wanna waste another moment
in saying things we never meant to say
and i take it just a little bit
i hold my breath and count to ten
i've been waiting for a chance to let you in

well it's all so overrated
in not saying how you feel
so you end up watching chances fade
and wondering what's real
and i give you just a little time
i wonder if you realize i've been waiting 'til i see it in your eyes

if i just breathe
let it fill the space between
i'll know everything is alright
breathe
every little piece of me
you'll see
everything is alright
if i just breathe

so i whisper in the dark
hoping you'll hear me
do you hear me?

awww!

2011-10-05T23:53:00.001+08:00

Spongebob: What do you usually do when I'm gone?
Patrick: I wait until you come back.

but which piece?

2011-10-05T00:34:00.001+08:00

2011-10-03T20:46:00.003+08:00

Just had a nice short shower, during which many things which i was thinking about over the past few days suddenly became very clear to me, and i knew what i had to do.

You are a very smart man but i'm not that dim myself. And i'm definitely not someone easy to mess around with either. Long gone are the days when girls are so silly to believe everything that people tell us, we've got minds of our own if you haven't already realised.

It seems so apt that this quote appeared right at the top of my newsfeed just as i thought about some issues.

"If someone wants to be a part of your life, they'll make an effort to be in it. So don't bother reserving a space in your heart for someone who doesn't make an effort to stay."

I feel so excited all of sudden. And i'm glad. :)

they won't get us down

2011-09-30T21:03:00.000+08:00

life was, is, and will be good!

2011-09-29T23:59:00.001+08:00

you know what?

it doesn't matter.

because i really don't care.

2011-09-29T22:52:00.001+08:00

2011-09-28T01:29:00.002+08:00

too bad the good day didn't end on a high note. on the contrary, feeling rather down now. hmmm. feeling kinda fearful, disappointed and upset. and the rain isn't helping, adds to the emo-ness! ah well. maybe it's just the tiredness from the past few days kicking in and i'm just exhausted. but can't rest for long, gotta wake up in about 3.5 hours again. :(

"By living your life one day at a time, you live all the days of your life."

i should really get this quote stuck in my head. been wasting too much time thinking and focusing on moments that have passed or have yet to come. ugh.

presentation in a few more hours, time to sleep now. goodnight world.

I hope you rest in peace.

this may not be the best,i hope you like it nonetheless

2011-09-25T19:18:00.005+08:00

Tall dark and handsome,

his words are always so random.

Contrasting the shaded skin,

his face is bright with his grin.

He puts smiles on my face with all his nonsense,

and school days seem dull now with his absence.

But of course there's also a serious side of him,

as he was always there when my days were grim.

Though to many he is probably a joker,

I know there's much more to him than just a stalker.

He listens to people when they want to be heard,

and keeps secrets the way he'd keep his crush's skirt.

He diverts attention to others and makes us feel involved,

it is his little gestures that lets barriers dissolve.

Like a big brother he shows his concern,

he can be a sweet lover too I discern.

He taught me to be spontaneous and to live my life,

I honestly think many girls want to be his wife.

As sociable and popular as he may be,

he treats his friends sincerely as we all can see.

This man is a unique friend to me,

the one and only special V.

2011-09-21T23:50:00.000+08:00

You're not helping.

STRESS

2011-09-19T22:52:00.002+08:00

mon- test

tue - test, group assignment due

wed - presentation

WHY RECESS WEEK LIKE BUSIER THAN SCHOOL WEEK. :(

2011-09-19T13:37:00.002+08:00

The broken clock is a comfort

it helps me sleep tonight

Maybe it can stop tomorrow

from stealing all my time

I am still here waiting

though I still have my doubts

everyone once in a while,

2011-09-13T02:23:00.002+08:00

i just can't help but profess my love.

strength

2011-09-12T00:33:00.002+08:00

is the courage to say no when everyone says yes.

it is the ability to stay firm to your values and beliefs no matter how hard it is.

look ahead

2011-09-11T00:15:00.002+08:00

Any system that at every given point of time fully utilizes it possibilities to the best advantage may yet in the long run be inferior to a system that does so at no given point of time, because the latter's failure to do so may be a condition for the level or speed of long run performance.

thank you

2011-09-08T22:22:00.000+08:00

for brightening my day. :)

don't give up

2011-09-08T00:20:00.008+08:00

i told you that i saw you as a good friend and no matter how you saw me, it didn't matter. i thought it was true. until you said the words out. maybe i didn't feel much immediately. but after a couple of minutes, the reality of your statement kinda sank in and suddenly i felt my heart shrink.

i don't know how it turned out this way and when things started to change. i thought the phase was over and we've reached the stabilisation period already but hearing you out just now, i feel so ignorant and silly all of a sudden.

somehow it kinda hurt when you said there seems to be something wrong with the friendship. and i guess what made me feel worse was the fact that i was completely unaware of the existence of any problems. but i do understand where you're coming from and all that. so i suppose what's happening is inevitable.

maybe the problem lies with me. i must admit that i used to take a lot of things for granted and i failed to show appreciation for people around me. but i've learnt my lessons along the way and while i'm still not perfect and never will be, i am trying to be a better friend already. not only to you but others too. perhaps my pace is too slow and i still haven't been doing enough, but i'm trying. really.

i guess this is how people grow up and mature. some people are gifted with a naturally high eq, some are just not so lucky. but along the way, the people we meet and the relationships we form with others, be it platonic or romantic, will definitely help to develop us as a person.

i know that i've made lotsa mistakes over the years and i truly regret certain things that i did (or didn't do), but a part of me still feels glad that the incidents had occur because had they not, i'd still be the immature and problematic girl i was back then.

as much as i feel upset that certain things are happening, there's really no point crying too much over it. i guess that one very important thing that i learnt from you is the power to let go. to let things happen the way they will, learn to accept and live with it. if it's something that i don't like, do something about it rather than just sit and sulk. i can't say how grateful i am to you, for guiding me along the way and for showing me these lessons in life which no one else ever bothered to. i still clearly remember the first few times we talked, when we were still getting to know each other better, and you told me that you saw the potential in me. you took the effort to have long conversations with me, to impart your values to me and watched me grow. thank you for touching my heart.

no matter what happens from here, i can safely say that you are one person i will always remember. not only for the things you've done for me, but because you are a great person. though you are not perfect and there are things you did which i didn't quite agree with, you are definitely someone who greatly impacted my life. i've said you're awesome many times before, most of the times in a teasing manner. maybe that is why you probably never took it seriously before; you probably saw my comments as flattery rather than compliments. but really, i meant what i said.

i used to get very upset when people didn't regard me as highly as i regarded them. when i saw someone as a close friend, i felt devastated and heartbroken when the feeling wasn't mutual. now, i'm starting to realise that sometimes all these don't really matter that much. what matters is that i am sincere to those whom i regard as my close friends. whether they feel for me the same way as i feel for them really doesn't matter.

so i guess that the only thing i can do now is to just continue improving the way that i am and hopefully my sincerity will help maintain the few friendship that i hold dear to for as long as i'm living.

change is the only constant

2011-09-07T00:40:00.003+08:00

sometimes certain things happen and we get thrown out of our comfort zones. sometimes these changes intimidate us and we yearn to go back to times when we were still incubated in an environment so familiar to us.

though the journey may seem tough, don't be afraid. because it is change that always provides the opportunity for the new and different. it is change that enables us to lead our lives in a way that's better than before.

http://www.greendotexpress.com/

2011-09-06T21:23:00.002+08:00

2011-09-05T01:56:00.003+08:00

rather surprised that certain people whom i seldom or have never even held an online conversation before started talking to me today. had rather deep conversations with quite a few of them and i'm so glad we talked.

though it might just be any other conversation to you guys, i'll always remember the difference your little action made to me. thanks so much. ♥

life goes on

2011-09-04T12:48:00.006+08:00

along the way, many people will cross our paths and while some stay a little longer, some move on after just a brief encounter.

for the past year, we went from strangers to acquaintance, good friends to close friends to normal friends to close friends to .... i don't know, there were just too many remember. point is, we're now back to mere acquaintances once again.

maybe it's a problem with me, or you. i guess it's a combination of both. but one thing i'm sure is that the attitude that you have is really pushing people away from you rather than bringing them closer. i know you treated your friends sincerely and always tried your best to help them out. that made you a very good friend which anyone would have wanted and should have treasured. and i know how it agonises you that time and again, people seem to be making use of you more and treating you as a spare tyre rather than really treasuring you.

but it hasn't always been like that. there is always a reason for everything, things don't just happen so coincidentally once, twice, even thrice.

at the start, everyone started out as just normal friends. but time passed and some people eventually became closer to you - they became your good friends. you spent time together with them, talked to them for hours, helped each other out. frankly, you were really very nice.

but then you had to show your attitude every once in a while.

the first time it happened, it upset your good friends and they wondered what they did wrong, why you were ignoring them, why you were doing such things. as time passed though, you gradually reverted back to your usual self and went back to being close to those good friends again.

that is until your next attitude cycle hits again.

the second time it occurs, your friends still feel as devastated as before and their hearts were starting to sink already. 'why is he treating us like that? good friends don't do such things to each other...do they?' that question rang in our minds so many times.

and we were in a dilemma. we knew you were a very good person and you were someone we count on to be a good friend, on the days you were normal. but when your attitude swings you always threw us off our feet and slammed us against the walls. hard. it hurt, of course. even the ones who appeared strongest outside felt the pain.

every so often, you do it once. and you gotta know that after some time, we get numbed by your actions. we aren't fools. while we thought of you as our good friend and tried as hard as we could to look past these things that you did and instead, focus on your goodness, we are after all humans. why should we let ourselves be vulnerable to you, why do we have to put ourselves in the position where we risk getting hurt every once in a while when you feel like it?

the thing is that while you treated people well and expected minimal reciprocity, you failed to see the emotional torture that you brought to people too. you have absolutely no idea how many times you killed your good friends with the words you used and the actions you made. and i can be sure of saying that, because i'm not the only one.

you see, no one wants to get hurt. while you made us feel like the luckiest beings on earth for having such a great friend like you (honestly.), you also tortured us very badly emotionally. and i'm not exaggerating at all. of course, you must be blind to the latter because you're always just blaming people for not appreciating your goodness.

you're always living in the past and in your own world. you think that whatever happened to you before was very bad (which i don't disagree), but you think that you're the only one who has been through so much before. you always think that no one else can be worse off than you, you think that the problems that other people have are minute and silly. you always think that your problems are bigger and that you have more pains and worries than everyone else.

wake up your idea. seriously. stop wallowing in self pity.

i guess i've failed as a friend in a way too because i failed to bring you out of your own sad world to embrace the happiness outside. i tried to let you see things in a whole new perspective but after so long, i think i have really failed. going the soft way didn't work and i know the hard way wouldn't either.

but really, i'm tired. i've never really given up on anyone before. sad to say though, i might really be giving up on you already. day by day, you have erected a barrier between us. while you were still good in your own ways, the bricks you took away each day weren't enough to compensate the ones you added on. if this is what you really want then fine, really. i'm not gonna try anymore and for once, i mean it.

all the best to you.

felicia chin says

2011-09-03T17:24:00.002+08:00

Don't let unimportant people get into our way of happiness.

2011-09-03T02:34:00.003+08:00

my head's throbbing, stomach's hurting, vision's blurring. today was a bad day. didn't start off well and is ending off horribly.

i just lost two people close to me, people i used to bare my hearts out to.

it's like you struggled so hard to turn a blind eye on all the ugly side of things and tried to just focus on all the beautiful facts. and you did, successfully. with much conscious effort of course.

and then suddenly the beautiful picture you painted gets torn down so violently. before you know it, all you have left is pieces of what used to be the image you admired.

i wonder if the pieces will fit back together once again.

2011-09-03T01:10:00.003+08:00

~~i miss you too.~~

you make me wanna cry.

cherish

2011-08-30T10:53:00.002+08:00

the four of you really changed my life. love you guys so much. :)

ouch.

2011-08-30T01:33:00.002+08:00

my mind's in a whirl now, i really hate that we have to communicate like that now. sigh. as much as i want to pen down my thoughts now though, i can't. because i don't really know how to say what i want to say. i just feel so sad suddenly. it may be tough but we'll make it happen. please believe in us.

this guy is too awesome

2011-08-27T18:37:00.003+08:00

2011-08-18T15:38:00.006+08:00

jason wade's voice is so good, lifehouse is still my favourite band everrrr. <3

like a summer bird

2011-08-18T01:18:00.010+08:00

sometimes it's so hard to continue believing after being disappointed
so many times.

what a loser

2011-08-10T00:49:00.005+08:00

you know how much you want to go out there and

toss all your worries aside, forget about all the restrictions and just do what you really wanna do.

but you know you can't.

and you're probably too scared to do it anyway.

love from bali

2011-08-09T20:45:00.002+08:00

back to school

2011-07-28T21:45:00.018+08:00

this is the last week of holidays already, the long awaited oweek's in just a couple of days and the following week lectures will start officially. haven't been back in school much this holidays since i was busy working but for this week i'm coming back for five entire days which is like more than my normal school week!? hahah.

it feels kinda weird that the school's so quiet and everywhere i go i hardly see familiar faces around, if there are even any at all. the only people here now are the foreigners and freshies or the raggers. looking at them makes me feel so old. feels as if THE life in uni only occurs when you're in year one because that's when everyone's so haps, which they can afford to be. year two onwards we'll become no life muggers already. ;( hope there'll still be time to breathe though! it's gonna be a really hectic semester ahead and while i very much dread the sleep deprivation and constant addition of things onto my to-do list, a part of me is also looking forward to reverting my life as a student again.

sitting alone with my laptop in the student lounge now and feeling nostalgic all of a sudden. it's super peaceful here because the place is so big and there's no one but me, and the place is hidden from view so i don't see random passers by through the windows. ultimate chill out place. ♥♥ too bad i won't have the luxury to chill here like this once school starts because this place will be swarmed with people once again.

enough said, shall now let photos recap my first awesome year in nus ♥

note to self

2011-07-27T20:12:00.005+08:00

always help someone who's in need out because even if it's just a small gesture, it will really make an impact on a desperate person. an effortless action may just be the thing that makes the person's day or crushes him further.

always be the positive difference in others' lives.

please drive safely my friends

2011-07-24T19:12:00.002+08:00

saw an accident involving a car and motorcycle just now, glass was shattered and lotsa blood on the road. the motorist was actually delivering pizzas when the accident occurred. pictured the scenario in my head and really felt a pinch in my heart. the poor guy was working on a sunday, got an order and set out for delivery but never made it to his destination. the customers must be wondering why their pizzas took so long, or maybe they never arrived. they'd never know what had happened to the staff who was supposed to bring their dinner to them.

i hope that guy gets well.

life's good

2011-07-22T01:02:00.006+08:00

when bad things no longer make you sad and happy things only lifts your mood even higher. that's how i've been feeling these days and i'm really glad. it seems as if i've outgrown all that moody days already and it feels great. :D

really

2011-07-20T00:11:00.005+08:00

just listened to a song and so so much memories came flooding back suddenly it got a little overwhelming. it's like i'm reliving the moments all over again, everything came back so vividly and i could feel once again what i felt with all five senses.
i miss you.

but that's all i'll do. reminisce about those days but i won't be upset that they didn't last. because tomorrow will be better i know, and i can't wait.
:)

dove sei

2011-07-17T12:33:00.002+08:00

what are words if you really don't mean them when you say them?
what are words if they're only for good times then they don't?
when it's love you say them out loud those words they never go away
they live on even when we're gone

it's not that i don't care anymorei've just learnt to let go;

2011-07-14T19:08:00.003+08:00

good things come to an end for a reason. instead of being upset that it's over, i've learnt to be glad it happened and be excited about what lies ahead for me. good people walk away for a reason too, and i've began to accept that fact. just be sincere and do what i can, the people who stay are the ones who matter the most. those that leave along the way were never meant to stay no matter what i did. i'm just glad that our paths once crossed and i definitely treasure the moments we shared.

2011-07-13T22:04:00.000+08:00

You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks — even months, analyzing a situation, trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could’ve, should’ve, would’ve happened. Or, you can just leave the pieces on the floor and realize there’s a reason they’re down there.

:)

2011-07-10T00:22:00.001+08:00

2011-07-06T23:54:00.000+08:00

X

2011-07-02T14:44:00.005+08:00

you make me smile like the sun
fall out of bed, sing like a bird
dizzy in my head, spin like a record
crazy on a sunday night
you make me dance like a fool
forget how to breathe
shine like a gold, buzz like a bee
just the thought of you can drive me wild
ohh, you make me smile

2011-06-27T22:59:00.001+08:00

i wonder why

2011-06-17T22:26:00.000+08:00

i'm feeling so down today.

2011-06-12T19:56:00.002+08:00

im weird cause i hate goodbyes

2011-06-12T00:36:00.001+08:00

your voice is the soundtrack of my summer

2011-06-07T20:17:00.007+08:00

and you're like a hurricane through my mind.

how i
love the eyes love the smile love the laugh,
the hidden personality, the humble nature, the gentle masculinity;
fear the misinterpretation fear the wrong moves fear the insecurity,
the differences, the expectations, the sustainability.

oh, you make me so confused. :/

2011-06-07T00:39:00.001+08:00

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the "present".