Paranoia;
Yilina

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  • Thank you

    Designer: SPLASH!
    Base code: heroine Resources: 1 | 2

    Tuesday, November 10
    so bring it on

    don't ask me how the papers were
    i don't know.
    don't ask me what the answers to a certain question is
    i don't remember.
    don't ask me anything about the paper
    i won't say.
    (unless i ask you first, lol)

    no more stress, i'll just do what i can, (even if it isn't the best that i can do.)
    life's not gonna end no matter how i fare
    after all, it's only the a levels.

    just be a happy girl
    study sufficiently
    take the exam
    and continue to be the happy girl
    no matter what they outcome is.

    yeah.

    life's great. :)

    Monday, November 9
    yes it's the a levels but keep smiling,
    it's all gonna be over soon :)








    Monday, October 12
    when did they not complain about psle math?

    if it's so difficult every year, maybe that's just how psle papers are meant to be? what's the use of complaining every single year. =.= and if top students say that their hopes for A* is dashed, then what about the rest, it's impossible for nobody to get A*. even if you don't get it based on your raw score, isn't a bell curve drawn? so if you're a supposed top student, you'd still be one of the higher scorers and get the A* in the end what. =.=

    seriously, all these hoo-ha about students breaking down cus of psle and parents writing in to every possible media source to complain is rather =.= to me lol.

    =.=

    Wednesday, October 7

    everybody's pissed off and i'm pissed off too.

    i'm so frustrated i want to cry.

    RARH. >:'(

    Wednesday, September 9

    i hate math i hate math i HATE MATH CHEM. RAAAAAAAAAAARH.

    ))):

    Saturday, August 29


    :D

    Friday, August 21

    yepyep time for reflections, finally. so many things have happened recently, i don't even know how to start reflecting, there are so many things to think about.

    got back the PAE thing today and i'm not exactly sure how i feel about it. while it seems quite accurate, i'm not sure if it really is cus... ugh i don't know haha. :(

    anyway they said the report focused on behaviours, and that we can change behaviour if we choose to and if we are willing to work at the change. hmm, really...? dictionary.com defines behaviour as (a person's) manner of behaving or acting. in this sense, i guess i'd agree that behaviour can be changed - we can decide how we want to react towards situations. but wouldn't that mean that these behaviour are not natural ie not who we really are?

    if, according to them, behaviour can be changed, then how about personality? isn't personality something from within you; characteristic traits which define each individual? BUT, personality refers to patterns of relatively enduring characteristics of behavior and the psychological classification of different types of individuals. in that case, how is it possible to change behaviour? it is an inherent trait in you, which is just you, is it even possible to change that?

    it isn't that i haven't tried changing the way i behave before, the fact is that i did try. i tried to be someone i'd like, someone people'd like. i tried to be a nice person, a person that people wanted me to be. but after some time i got tired. i got tired of living in pretence, tired of being the "nice"person i really wasn't, of behaving in a way that was "good" but not who i really was. it is precisely because i've tried that i do question now whether it is really possible to change our behaviour at all.

    well yeah i guess people often say that you can make yourself feel or act a certain way consciously, and after some time it just becomes a natural thing for you. but i wonder if that is really possible. take for example the thing about being happy. i still remember collin's presentation, where he said that all you've gotta do is psycho yourself into thinking that you're very happy every day and soon that's what you'd be, a happy person. while i agree that trying to appear happy will tend to make yourself lighten up a bit, i doubt that it is really the ultimate way to being happy.

    i believe that i do try to appear happy most of the time, especially when i'm around (most) people. sometimes i get away with that, being in that little happy bubble that i'd created. but it often isn't long before the bubble bursts and i'd fall into the semi permanent state of moodiness. the thought often crosses my mind, whether i really am happy, or if i was just pretending to be. isn't it sad if you had to pretend to be happy when you actually aren't? i guess that's the result of deceiving myself too much, so much so that even i can't tell between what's real or not anymore.

    :/

    oh well. i guess the conclusion's still that i'll try to be the person i'd like to be, even if it isn't who i really am. hopefully after some time, it'll become a part of me. hmm but.. not being able to be who i really am makes me :/ too lol, in that case, how can i psycho myself to be happy! the logic is flawed cus in the first place if i had to psycho myself to make myself happy, i wouldn't even be happy at all! rawr! >< . but on the OTHER hand, when i don't try to be happy, i won't be happy. haha what a troublesome person i am, ._.

    siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.

    wow reflecting on one thing alone took long enough, i guess i'd continue with the other stuff another day hmmmm.






    Friday, August 14

    每一个女生的生命里,都有着这样一个男孩子。他不属于爱情,也不是自己的男朋友。可是,在离自己最近的距离内,一定有他的位置。看见漂亮的东西,会忍不住给他看。听到好听的歌,会忍不住从自己的 MP3 里拷下来给他。看见漂亮的笔记本,也会忍不住买两本另一本给他用,尽管他不会喜欢粉红色的草莓。在想哭的时候,第一个会发短信给他。在和男朋友吵架的时候,第一个会找他。尽管不知道什么时候,他会从自己生命里消失掉,成为另一个女孩子的王子,而那个女孩也会因为他变成公主。可是,在他还是呆在离自己最近的距离内的时光里,每一个女孩子,都是在用尽力气,贪婪地享受着消耗着掏空着他和他带来的一切。每一个女生都是在这样的男孩子身上,变得温柔,美好,体贴。尽管之后完美的自己,已经和这个男孩子没有关系。但这样的感情,永远都是超越爱情的存在。

    Thursday, July 23

    ouch.

    Friday, July 10

    Yilina read the cards of Tarots.
    Tarots draw / 2009-07-10


    You at the moment - 17. The Star
    You're hoping you will reach your goals. You guide others to this hope, because there's like a light around you. You are on the way for growth and evolution.

    Environment - 1. The Magician
    Some youth wind blows around you. There's dynamism in the air: a movement is setting out, it's time for revival. Energy and spontaneity will permit you to follow the movement.

    Your guide for acting - 18. Illusion
    Danger doesn't come from outside, but from yourself. Don't be controlled by your emotions, make the balance between reality and illusion. Trust your intuition and open your eyes.

    The response - 8. Justice
    If you admit your mistakes and if you are fair as well towards yourself as towards others, you'll be able to make out things a positive and constructive way.

    Don't forget... - 9. The Wise One
    Time and meditation are useful for those who want to succeed.

    Wednesday, July 1

    Squidward: "Stop doing that you're making me claustrophobic."

    Patrick: "What is claustrophobic?"

    Spongebob: "It means he is afraid of Santa."

    Friday, June 26

    hahah i broke my specs yesterday but whee got 2 new ones today! :D though i don't really fancy them THAT much lah but oh well.

    anyway! this song has been stuck in my head for hours! go listen! it's really nice! :D
    _

    Don't hang up, can we talk?
    So confused, it's like I'm lost
    What went wrong?
    What made you go?
    Don't pretend you don't know
    This is me, I'm unchangeable'

    When did we fall apart?
    Or did you lie from the start?
    When you said it's only you'
    I was blind, such a fool
    Thinking we were unbreakable

    It was you and me against the world
    And you promised me forever more
    Was it something that I said?
    Was it something that I did?
    'Cause I gotta know what made me unbeautiful'

    I've been told what's done is done'
    To let it go and carry on
    And deep inside I know that's true
    I'm stuck in time, stuck on you
    We were still untouchable

    It was you and me against the world
    And you promised me forever more
    Was it something that I said?
    Was it something that I did?
    'Cause I gotta know what made me unbeautiful

    Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up
    'Cause I'm only dreamin'
    Get out, get out, get out, get out
    Get out of my head now
    Because we're much better all together
    Can't let go!

    It was you and me against the world
    And you promised me forever more
    Was it something that I said?
    Was it something that I did?
    'Cause I gotta know what made me unbeautiful
    Made me unbeatiful

    - Unbeautiful, Lesley Roy

    Sunday, June 21
    what i did instead of mugging

    aahhh wanted to blog something just now but got hooked onto facebook and now there's not much time left so this shall be a short post!

    rawr taking of pelham 123 isn't as nice as i thought it would be. i thought it was some serial killer show lol. rarh.

    anyway! arcade machines seriously burn money lah! and those machines where you try to pick up toys are SCAAAAAAAAMMMMMMEEEERRRRRRRRRRS. >:( they make that grabber thing soooo loose such that they sway like crazy and after grabbing the toy the whole thing jerks like super hard when it reaches the top and 99% of the time the toy falls off. :( took like 20+ bucks to get one toy, then spent another 30+ but failed to get a second toy. :( RARH. thank goodness i'm not addicted to arcade games lol. but not being able to get another toy even after so many tries is SOOOOOOOOOOO irritating! >: ( stupid machine! hahaha.

    blah. this should be a short post, i shall end here.

    Friday, June 12
    nice.



    Thursday, June 11
    it's over.

    comps today! so fun! :D :D

    omg shooting on an electronic target is DAMN COOL!! :D :D haha got a bit distracted by it at first though, so i kept darkening the screen, then got curious of my score and started to brighten it again. did that for quite a few times before i became lazy and left the screen at mid brightness. but at least adjusting the brightness continually is still better than trying to turn the screen away like what ky did?! LOL. :D

    so yeah i think this was the most enjoyable competition we had so far, so many amusing things to look out for. :) what a great way to end my shooting experience. :) but ah, ending on a high note makes me wanna continue shooting, though i can't anymore, at least not until university if i'm still interested by then. >< .

    rawr can't believe that my standards didn't drop after not training for so long! maybe we shouldn't have trained so hard for nationals lol. minimising training worked for all 3 of us! congrats to ky and hy for shooting our pbs today! :D :D

    aww why must nj change their category so last minute! D: otherwise our chances are quite high rawr! :( oh man i can't stand the suspense, can't wait until saturday! D: shall keep my fingers crossed. :)


    APW'08-09! <333333333 :D

    Monday, June 8

    this place is getting dusty! haha but i'm too lazy/busy to blog these days.

    anyway! went to vivo yesterday to watch angels and demons. :) quite a nice show actually, though i can't really remember much of the movie. D: but the ambigrams were cool! lol and i just wasted three hours of my life creating ambigrams of my name. D: but they are quite cool i think! haha! :D



























































    okay shall end the post now, spent so much time ambigramming i forgot what i wanted to post about already. -.- goodnight!

    Thursday, June 4
    Chapter One.

    All the stars are out tonight it feels as though I might
    Make some sense out of this madness will it turn out right
    Who's to say where the wind will blow

    Time will tell us if we're out of answers when it stops
    Climb back down to the beginning
    Take it from the top
    Who's to say where the wind will blow

    What happens when all your dreams are lying on the ground
    Do you pick up the pieces all around
    And if the world should fall apart hold on to what you know
    Take your chances turn around and go

    All the leaves are turning and the sky fades to gray
    Strange our life coincides with the seasons of today
    Who's to say where the wind will blow

    What happens when everything is lying on the ground
    Do you pick up the pieces all around
    And if the world should fall apart hold on to what you know
    Take your chances turn around and go

    Carry on you say
    Bring the best of today
    All I see is struggling on the way

    Maybe when the sun crashes through the gray
    I can find the strength to make it through the day
    Through the day


    Tuesday, May 5

    Female, born on 27 January 1991 at 5:12 pm in Singapore, Singapore.
    Your sun sign is Aquarius. This is the sign in which the Sun is in your birth chart. Your Ascendant is in Cancer, and your Moon is in Gemini.

    Sun in Aquarius, Moon in Gemini
    This astrological combination of signs confers on you highly developed intellectual powers. You have oratorical skills, although your nature is rather retiring and reserved. Your thoughts are orderly and organized, and you pursue knowledge with great industry, striving always for neatness and perfection in your work. You are kind and good-hearted and mild in manner and gesture. You are inclined to observe rather than participate. In love you are undemonstrative. Though eager to please, you remain somewhat detached. The key to a more harmonious existence lies in lowering some of your reserve; you will fare better in partnerships or association with others.

    Ascendant in Cancer, Moon in the Twelfth House
    At the time of your birth the zodiacal sign of Cancer was ascending in the horizon. Its ruler the Moon is located in the twelfth house.

    Cancer is the fourth sign of the zodiacal belt and its natives are under the rulership of the Moon. Your life will be full of changes and intermittent periods of activity and relaxation. Your vulnerability to external influences makes you subconsciously imitate the manners and ways of those with whom you relate.

    In many instances, circumstances will require that you play the role of worldliness and sophistication but under the mask there will exist a very sensitive human being who is easily offended, and also very perceptive of the more subtle influences and impressions, as well as of psychic vibrations.

    Cancer gives the tendency to completely retreat when hurt or frightened of a situation. This happens to you often because you tend to interfere in the affairs of others when you are not needed or wanted. Throughout your life, your responses will be emotional rather than rational.
    Cancer also gives a tendency for life to be centered in the home and family; your attachment to your private and domestic habits is so strong that without them you could hardly endure. In love matters, you are emotional and gentle.

    For the difficult aspects we must warn you against becoming overly preoccupied with trivial details of a psychological nature. Another tendency that you have is to flatter and to criticize carelessly, without regard for the other person's feelings.

    Destiny may place you in environments where your natural traits can be best expressed. You will be happier when allowed to be occupied with searching for a person or a thing, though not necessarily in important work.

    Your life possesses an aura of peculiar activities and studies realized in out-of-the-way places.
    You will either live secretively or possess important secrets of another person. Your mind is greatly influenced by the sea of subconsciousness and there is an inborn love for occultism, mystery, and romantic adventures. On the other side, this position may give you a certain lack of stability and firmness in dealing with others.

    Saturn in the Seventh House
    Saturn was found in seventh house at the time of birth. In your dealings with others, you are going to present a very cautious personality and you will work slowly towards the achievement of security. The environment will be a very restricting factor in your life; the same limitations that hinder your relationships with others will emerge in a narrowness of reception to your ideas and emotions. This indicates that the key to more spiritual and material development lies in your response to the several tests destined for you which consist of patiently enduring difficulties through human relationships.

    You should remember that Saturn does not lend a propensity to be demonstrative in an emotional sense. It does, in those individuals with whom you will start a lifelong relationship, give a sense of duty and stability of emotions. Yet you are going to experience some sorrow throughout your life in a relationship. This is mostly going to consist of the several limitations that this state is imposing upon your personal freedom.

    The key to a better integration of your existence lies in the ability to view these obstacles and binds with philosophical resignation.

    Uranus Opposition Ascendant
    Uranus opposition the Ascendant shows that relationships stand in the way of achieving the freedom you want. You attract people who demand their own freedom, even though it means you must curtail yours, and this annoys you.

    A traditional marriage is not for you. You prefer a more liberal association in which the only binding agent is your emotional attraction to your partner. You enjoy a wide circle of friends who share your views and with whom you feel safe and secure. You are drawn to occupations that give you freedom to work in your own way, unconfined by rules and regulations.

    Although you have a mind of your own, you probably are not fully prepared to accept responsibility for your actions.

    Part of your role in life is to help others gain their freedom by urging them to get an education and to learn about the social and political issues that can affect them.

    Sun in the Eighth House
    The Sun was found in your eighth house at the time of birth. This inclines your individuality to be oriented, in one way or another, to the deeper sides of life. Your sexual feelings are long-lasting, intense, and vital. Your inner self seems attracted to unusual matters related to the termination of life-death and its mysteries.

    Traditional astrology indicates that near your middle age a crisis will rear its head in your life. If this period is successfully spanned you can expect a prolonged life with a gradual heightening vitality.

    Financially, there are definite chances for money inherited from either your partner or from another relative.

    Venus in the Eighth House
    Venus was found in your eighth house at the time of birth. This is a favorable position regarding the possibilities of financial gain through businesses owned by your partner or by associates.

    Psychologically, you are going to find many harmonious conditions in your sexual relationships.

    If your inner growth is such that your vital energies are oriented toward spiritual rather than material pleasures, then you will arrive at gratification and happiness through inquiry into the mysteries of life and death.

    You should have some excellent opportunities for progress in your financial and social condition during your middle age or when you finally stabilize your life through marriage or any other type of close relationship.

    Moon in the Twelfth House
    The Moon was in your twelfth house at the time of birth. Secretly, you enjoy a love of romance and adventure that lends a bit of excitement to your daydreaming.

    It is possible that the little popularity that you may enjoy in this life will be from some very reserved and secretive circles where your merits are recognized.

    It can be expected that you will be successful in positions that call for solitude or remote locations.


    _

    oh wow. o_o

    Sunday, May 3

    hmmm i've been wondering a lot about random stuff recently, something i haven't been doing for a long time. there were quite a few times in the past months when i reflected a little about certain things and wanted to type long reflective posts, but never got to do so.

    was clearing some of my work this afternoon when i remembered something i forgot. i can't remember if it was a dream or just a random thought i had last night, all i knew was that there was something i wanted to look for, something that was important to me. but somehow i just couldn't remember what it was that i wanted to look for so badly. tried looking for it in the place where i kept the things i treasure but found nothing that jolted any memory. ended up reading old letters and cards instead, some of which i've already forgotten about for some time.

    reading some of them sure brought lots of memories back, and i had this sudden revelation about things. hmm or maybe not revelation, i think i just finally saw things in a different light.

    i guess that through the years, it's inevitable for some friends, even those who were once dear to you, to step out of your life, leaving only footprints in your heart. it is definitely saddening, especially when you think back on the happy times once spent together, the special moments that were shared, when you read the words they once wrote to you, the promises they once made. it makes you even sadder when you realise how things have changed, and you think about how the people may probably have already forgotten the times they shared with you by now, though you well know that the memories are etched in your heart and that you'd probably never be able to forget them even if you tried to.

    but i guess that's just the way things are. i wouldn't say that i've fully accepted how things turn out the way they do, but i think i'm finally learning to get used to it. after all, the same incidents have happened more than enough times to be considered as coincidences.

    slightly more than a year ago, i had three friends who were dearest to me. three friendships that i treasured with all my heart. sadly, it didn't take long for the three to reduce to one. though that one friendship turned out rocky, i'm glad that even after so many blows, we managed to pull through and maintained it till now. one year ago a friend told me that this friendship wouldn't last. she told me to give up if i was tired, just like she did with hers. she said it would hurt if i let it go, but added that hurting then was better than dragging on and prolonging the sufferance. she told me to look at her, to look at how much easier life became after she let go of the burdened friendship.

    looking back, i'm glad that i didn't give up back then. i do admit though, that there were times that i felt i couldn't take it anymore and was on the verge of letting everything go. but i thought that after so many things we've been through, the friendship would turn out stronger and would probably last a little longer.
    i guess i was wrong.

    sometimes i really do wonder what the word 'friend' means. a real friend (ie not mere acquaintance) should be someone you trust, someone you can count on to tell your troubles, someone you feel happy with. but all these take time to develop, trust, reliance and all. after taking such a long time to build this friendship up, why then is it so easily destroyed? each time a major fight occurs, it seems as though the friendship would just stop there and then. and i don't understand why. is a friendship really something so easily forged and destroyed by the simply saying "let's be (or not be) friends anymore" ? why is this hard earned friendship so easily given up on?

    unless the friendship isn't simple as it seemed to be. unless you weren't really being my friend cus you wanted to be. unless you only did stuff to make me happy and to create a better impression. unless you were only my friend cus you were hoping for something more.

    maybe that's why whenever you think that things wouldn't turn out the way you wanted, you stop wanting to be my friend. i do wonder then, what IS this friendship to you? i have no idea anymore. i'm not even sure if the friend i thought i knew is the friend you are anymore.

    anyway, back to my point about accepting things the way they turn out regardless of whether i like it or not, i guess that's the only thing that can be done. to learn to accept the fact that there are things that can't be changed, to accept them as they happen and not feel bitter about it.

    while i do believe that when people say stuff like "friends forever!" and "i'll always be there for you! :D" etc, they DO mean it, i've also learnt to realise that these words shouldn't be taken to heart as you never really know when the person would stop meaning them. while the things that people say may sometimes be nice and comforting, that's all that they can be - words that are pleasant to the ears. words ARE after all only words. and words can never be trusted.

    hmm maybe that's why i tend to keep my thoughts to myself and not open up to just anyone. maybe it's cus deep inside i know that no one can really understand how i feel, or at least i know that i can't bring myself to trust anyone enough to open up to them. it isn't really something that i can help, i just happen to be like that. i guess that's also the reason why sheena and joelyn commented that i seem to be a mystery, in the sense that even after knowing me for quite some time already, they know that they don't actually know me at all.

    oh well. this post has gotten a tad too long, shall continue whatever thoughts i have the next time round.

    Friday, May 1

    yay greenworks was fun yesterday. :) though i wasn't really following the events that were going on haha but it was fun over all. :D and i think the interaction with the juniors was much more successful yesterday as compared to jts lol. i THINK. :) then again, maybe it's just me cus i wasn't feeling very sociable that day during jts. >< .

    oh yeah and i played threw frisbee with joelyn in the afternoon and now my muscle's aching. D: but it was fun, haven't thrown for a long time. :)

    anyway, i don't see why people are joking about the swine flu at all. just cus it doesn't affect us yet, that doesn't mean that it isn't a serious matter and that you guys can keep making a joke of it?? seriously, i'm pretty turned off by you guys doing that. so many people have died and there are so many more cases of infection, people around the world are all getting anxious and here you are laughing about it. for the people who haven't been following the news about the case,

    "The UN's World Health Organization has raised the alert over swine flu to level five (which happens to be the second highest level) - indicating human-to-human transmission in at least two countries."

    so please stop joking about it. it's not funny.